“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. DLQ.

Toxic people indeed can be quite harmful, not just to one’s advancement but also to your overall wellbeing; such people can be referred to as parasitic. They nag you, make you feel unworthy, they see all your flaws and downplay your achievements. They are usually very hard to please; toxic people care only about their happiness. As long as it works for them, they don’t care whether or not the person next to them will be affected. Toxic people sometimes can be hard to get rid of; however, you have to do the needful for your happiness and sanity. Proverbs 25:19 says, “Putting confidence in an unreliable man is like chewing with a sore tooth or trying to run on a broken foot” (TLB).

Below are a few ways that you can deal with toxic people without letting them get in your way of happiness.

1. Understand that you have the power to choose who stays in your life

This can be hard for most people. They let people choose for them when they should be the ones deciding who comes into or stays in their life and who doesn’t. The moment you understand this power that you have you will stop allowing people to keep using you to their advantage. You need to come to a point where you can easily let a toxic person use the exit door without feeling guilty about it. I agree with Colin Powell when he said, “The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.” Most toxic people that I have come across are controllers, they always want to be the ones dictating how things should be done in your own life; hence trying to get your life back from anyone or anything that has been controlling it hitherto is not a crime. Rather it is a way of saying that you still know your right in your life. It is like an employer who understands that any employee who stops functioning optimally or who is no longer meeting the expectation of the company should either be called to order or laid off if need be. So, the next time somebody starts becoming toxic in your life, do not hesitate to exercise your authority.

2. Set clear boundaries

If there is anything that has helped me so far in life, it is learning how to set very clear boundaries early in life. Anytime I notice that somebody is becoming parasitic to me I don’t hesitate to draw the line. Doing that has always helped me stay focused on my goals without allowing myself to be tossed about by every opinion. My best friends are those who understand my past, believe in my future and accept me today just the way I am. Likewise, your true friends should be those who bring out the best in you and not the worse. The truth is that toxic people always want to have a say in everything you do, and guess what? Their opinion will always be negative. Even if you have not completely gotten rid of a toxic person, at least he or she should know that they don’t have a say in everything you do. When you set clear boundaries and let them know their place in your life, they will naturally want to give you space because such people cannot exist in a space where they are not given attention or allowed to have a say in everything. The people in your life should know what you stand for, what you can and cannot allow around you. Don’t make your life an all level playing field.

3. Keep your distance

“Sometimes you have to accept the truth and stop wasting time on the wrong people” UNKNOWN.

You can never go wrong keeping your distance from toxic people. Though there are instances when it is hard to do, especially when the person in question is a relative or somebody you share the same roof with, like a parent, spouse, siblings or a colleague. But even in situations like that, there is always a way you can safeguard yourself from being infected by their toxicity. In such a situation, you can choose to look beyond their faults and decide within yourself that you will never allow yourself to be affected by their drama. However, this does not include if their toxicity is abusive. You can love them, but you must keep your distance from them as well.

4. Understand that you cannot change a person who is not ready

One big mistake that most people make is to think that they can change a person against their will. Before any meaningful change can happen in anyone’s life, that person must have come to a point where he/she truly understands that he/she needs a change. That way, any help you are offering the person will be well taken and implemented. Except a toxic person has come to a full knowledge of the fact that his lifestyle is posing a threat to other people's wellbeing, he will never see the need for a change. Like the saying goes; “You cannot change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their action” – UNKNOWN.

People must know about what they are changing from and whom they need to change into and decide if that is what they want before they can begin to make an effort in that direction. This is because change does not happen in a vacuum, somebody must initiate it intentionally. So, if you find that anyone has become toxic in your life, and you have tried to talk things over with them, yet no change seems to be happening, it is only wise that you let them be. Remember the saying that you can force a horse to the stream but cannot force it to drink from the stream. To be candid with you, these days it is even hard to force a horse to the stream, let alone making it drink thereof. No matter how much you are into a person, never try to force change on them. By doing that, you will only end up ruining your relationship with them completely. Always allow people to make use of their free will.

You cannot recreate anyone; hence, rather than ruin whatever you have with people by forcing them to become who they are not overnight, you should simply learn to relate with such a person from afar.

5. Do not focus only on negativity.

No matter how toxic a person is, there must always be something worth celebrating about the person. Perhaps, you should also learn not to focus so much on people's weaknesses It is wisdom to carefully observe people, chances are that such people have their area of strength, and when discovered we should simply focus on this. Even if by any chance you will ever help a toxic person become better, you cannot do that by always playing down on the person's positive sides.

Whatever kind of relationship you have with the person, whether he or she is a parent, spouse, sibling or friend, you must never allow familiarity to bring you to a point where you no longer deem it fit to celebrate their strengths. LET GO OF PAST HURTS AND BE HEALED!